Author: Michael Fleming

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I Thought Everyone Loved Earl

On By Michael FlemingIn Interpersonal Relationships, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Me (out loud): This one time Earl stabbed a killer bee with a corn dog stick to save Joy. And another time, Joy stole a cube van and didn’t realize someone was in the back, and Randy tried to conceal the truck by painting his name on it in big graffiti letters. But the funniest was when Randy was laughing at a bird that hit a window. Then he got scared by another bird and ran into the same window.

My wife (really out loud): JUST SO YOU KNOW – NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY NAME IS EARL ALL THE TIME.

Me (silently): Just so you know – I guess not everyone has a sense of humour.

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Going at Least Halfway

On By Michael FlemingIn ParentingLeave a comment

Close to Lake St. Peter in Hastings County, there’s a hiking trail leading to a beautiful lookout. It is not a long trail (about 2.5 km), but it is described as “strenuous,” crossing “rugged terrain.”

The first day, my 11-year-old daughter and I didn’t even make it halfway.

The next day, I said, “Let’s try the hike again.”

“Dad, no! It’s uphill the entire hike! I don’t want to go hiking.”

I put out my hand, palm up. “Put your finger on my palm. Now move up.” My daughter puts her finger gently on my palm and then raises her finger in the air.

“Now, if you had to get back to my hand, which way would you go? See, it’s impossible to keep going up. It can’t be uphill the whole way. I think if we can make it to the halfway point of the hike, the rest will be easy.”

I convinced her.

That day, we completed the hike. It was strenuous for her, but we experienced the beautiful lookout at the halfway point. And, sure enough, the second half was downhill.

In life, you need to cross rugged terrain sometimes. It can be hard. But you need to go at least halfway to find beauty. And you never know, it may be all downhill from there.

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Cheers to a Year of Aroma

On By Michael FlemingIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

To my dear 600,000 or so followers,

My apologies for not blogging for a period of time. When one spends most of the day looking at a screen for work purposes, he or she or they or xi may not have the energy to look at a screen any longer. I am not sure how one blogs without looking at a screen.

Anyway, happy 2023 my dear 600,000 or so.

For me 2023 will be a smelly year.

You see, my wife bought me some soap at one of those warehouse stores where they sell in bulk. Want a bun? Well, you can buy a bag of 36 Kaiser rolls. Need a wiener in the bun? Well, you can buy a pack of 48 sausages. But then you would need a dozen more Kaiser rolls for all the sausages and they only come in a package of 36. So you buy more and then you’d have 72 rolls. But then you’d need some more sausages. Another pack of 48 makes 96 sausages. But you’d only have 72 rolls. So you buy another pack of 36 and now you’d have 108 Kaiser rolls. You would need to buy another pack of sausages to fill the rolls. Another pack of 48 makes 144 sausages. But you’d only have 108 rolls. So you’d buy another pack of 36 bringing your total number of Kaiser rolls to 144 to equal the total number of sausages.

Back to the soap, which you’ll need now more than ever because after consuming 144 sausages, the meat smell will be seeping from your pores. So my wife bought me some soap at this warehouse store and because they sell in bulk, instead of 3 bars of soap, she bought like 60 bars of soap. Now for years, I have been using this nice, gentle, mild soap for my sensitive skin. I also have a powerful sniffer and I’m sensitive to strong smells. So this soap I have been using for years, which I do not want to name because I’m not always a fan of product placement in blogs, so I’ll call this soap Ebony, this Ebony soap that I’ve been using for years does not have a strong smell, so not only is it nice for my sensitive skin, it is nice for my sensitive sniffer too. Obviously, that’s why I’ve been using Ebony for so many years.

My wife said she did not see Ebony at this warehouse store where they sell packages of 36 Kaiser rolls and packages of 48 sausages. So she bought a package of 60 bars of another kind of soap, let’s call it Pigeon.

Let me tell you: Pigeon is not the same as Ebony. Whereas Ebony is mildly scented, Pigeon is not. It’s all perfumey. It may not be the most perfumey of the soaps, but it is definitely more perfumey than I and my sensitive sniffer are used to. And I have 60 bars of the stuff!

It will be an aromatic year indeed.

Insights from Summer 2020 Camping

On By Michael FlemingIn Parenting, SpiritualityLeave a comment

I have this romanticized view of camping. Escaping the hustle. Connecting with nature. Relaxing by the fire. Not worrying about sentence fragments.

My experiences with camping over the past few years, however, have been the opposite of relaxing. All the prep work. Packing the car. Unpacking the car because everything doesn’t fit. Repacking the car. Setting up the camp site. Broken air pumps. Holes in air mattresses. Lack of sleep. Getting rained on. Grumpy kids. Grumpy wife. Worrying about sentence fragments.

My summer 2020 camping experience was painful. I had planned on taking my two young children camping for a week at a provincial park. I chose a park close to home just to make things easier if I had to cut the trip short. In fact, after less than 24 hours I returned my six-year-old son, crying and covered in mosquito bites, home to his mom. The glare on my wife’s face that day knowing that she would not get a reprieve from the kids that week still haunts me.

I was ready to sell all my camping equipment and put an end to camping forever, but my eight-year-old daughter, for some reason, loves camping. So, after dropping off my crying son to my scowling wife, I returned to the campsite with my camping-loving daughter.

Over the next few days, something magical happened. I can’t say everything completely turned around and camping morphed into this amazing experience. But there were moments of amazingness. Connecting with nature. Connecting with stillness. Connecting with my daughter. Being one with the sentence fragment.

It makes me think that life is one big camping trip. It’s painful. It’s chaotic. Excrement hits the fan and when everything is cleaned up, s’more excrement hits the fan. Yet if we are aware, if we are attuned to what’s really happening, what really matters, it’s full of wonder, surprise, and beauty. And that’s why, like my daughter, I love camping.

A Short Piece of Writing on the Storm

On By Michael FlemingIn Learning and Growth, Poetry, SpiritualityLeave a comment

We find ourselves navigating difficult times. For some, the waters are new. For others, the waters are new, yet the waves are familiar.

There’s a storm, starboard side. Our ship sails amok.

For some, there’s an albatross. For others, there’s a stern where they are calm and asleep, and they dream, and they are not afraid. For some, there is literature and poetry. And when we write, we are relaxed in the stern. And when we read, we read this:

When adversity threatens to paralyze us, we need to reassert control by finding a new direction in which to invest psychic energy, a direction that lies outside the reach of external forces. When every aspiration is frustrated, a person still must seek a meaningful goal around which to organize the self. Then, even though that person is objectively a slave, subjectively he is free.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

And we are free.

Nourishing Gratitude with a Gratitude Party

On By Michael FlemingIn Interpersonal Relationships, Mental Health, ParentingLeave a comment

An article published by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley highlights research showing that gratitude improves mental health.

With an awareness of the positive effects of gratitude, my wife and I are trying to nourish feelings of gratitude in ourselves and in our young children. (I must admit, however, that my wife is much better at it, and she often encourages me to be more grateful.)

On that note, at the end of last year our family hosted a gratitude party. My wife, kids, and I invited people we are grateful for. It was a great atmosphere. We gave all the guests cards that expressed our appreciation. In turn, they appreciated being appreciated. What an amazing cycle! It makes me even more grateful, and I’m excited to host similar celebrations in the future.

cycle: be appreciative, show appreciation, be appreciated
M. Fleming’s Appreciation Cycle

Developing Skills to Help Those Experiencing Mental Distress

On By Michael FlemingIn Mental HealthLeave a comment

Hearing a story of someone in crisis recently reminded me of the importance of developing skills that can be used to help someone in mental distress. Here’s a brief summary of three empowering workshops:

LivingWorks safeTALK

A four-hour workshop that teaches participants how to prevent suicide by recognizing signs, engaging with someone, and connecting them to an intervention resource.

Mental Health First Aid Canada

Offered by the Mental Health Commission of Canada, this 12-hour course teaches participants crisis first aid interventions for overdose, suicidal behaviour, panic attacks, psychotic episode, and acute stress reaction.

LivingWorks Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST)

A two-day workshop that teaches participants how to prevent suicide by recognizing signs, providing an intervention, and developing a safety plan.

I would recommend any of the above training. After taking the training myself, I feel more confident in my ability to interact with someone who’s experience mental distress, and you never know, one day these skills might save a life.

Dear Ms. Wurtzel

On By Michael FlemingIn Mental HealthLeave a comment

I read your book Prozac Nation: Young and Depressed in America when I was in my twenties. I remember your journey through the darkness. I appreciated your honesty, your courage, your intellect, your literary prowess, your love of Bruce Springsteen.

You wrote:

And maybe—and this is a really optimistic maybe—somewhere along the way this dour story might give some people some inspiration and even some hope for a better future, for the future that people my age and younger can look forward to building.

I was saddened by the news of your death. It reminded me of the time I read your book. It reminded me of the time you inspired me. It reminded me of the time you gave me hope.

My Daughter Draws Attention To My Hypocrisy

On By Michael FlemingIn ParentingLeave a comment

This morning before getting ready for work, I quickly fill out a permission form for my seven-year-old daughter to attend a school field trip.

“I filled this out for you. Please put it in your knapsack to go to school.”

She looks at the paper and points to a g. “Dad, what letter is this right here? Is that an s?”

“No, it’s a g. It’s just messy. I wrote it quickly.”

“Dad…you’re always telling me to take my time and be neat when I write and then your writing is all messy.”

Touché.

The Power of Peer Support for Mental Health Recovery

On By Michael FlemingIn Interpersonal Relationships, Learning and Growth, Mental HealthLeave a comment

As a facilitator of a peer support group for men who have experienced anxiety and/or depression, I have come to discover there are many benefits of peer support groups. In this post I’d like to mention a few.

First, peer groups provide encouragement and support.

Second, participants come to learn that they are not alone in their struggles.

Third, there is level of understanding and empathy that can only be provided by those with common lived experiences.

Fourth, individuals are more likely to be courageously vulnerable because the power gradient among peers is lower compared to the typical power hierarchy in client-provider healthcare relationships.

The Mental Health Commission of Canada underscores the value of peer support:

Peer support initiatives can have a great impact on a person’s journey of recovery. The relationship forged between the peer supporter and the person with a mental health problem or illness can help improve quality of life as well as reduce the need for hospitalization.

The Mental Health Commission of Canada also believes that peer support is undervalued.

I wholeheartedly agree. Perhaps it’s because I have experienced and continue to experience its transformative effects on people’s lives.