Three Strategies for Coping with Anxiety

On By Michael FlemingIn Mental HealthLeave a comment

Before I met my soulmate, I must have scared off many potential partners with the number of self-help books on my bookshelf.

As I’m helping students deal with test anxiety as the semester winds down, I decided to grab a book off my shelf for some guidance.

Book by Edmund Bourne and Lorna Garano.
Cover of the book Coping with Anxiety. Photo by M. Fleming

In Coping with Anxiety: 10 Simple Ways to Relieve Anxiety, Fear, & Worry, the authors surprisingly write about coping with anxiety and unexpectedly offer ten simple ways to relieve anxiety, fear, and worry.

I’d like to highlight three simple strategies outlined in the book.

First, I should note that I’m not trying to simplify the complex nature of anxiety, and I’m certainly not trying to minimize or discount the suffering of those who experience extreme anxiety or have anxiety-related disorders.

Here are the three strategies:

Meditate and relax. I recently purchased some guided meditations and relaxation music from iTunes, and I was amazed at how beneficial it was to my well-being.

Challenge your thinking. Recognize your anxiety-producing thoughts and challenge them. For example, the authors of Coping with Anxiety provide a strategy for challenging catastrophic thinking: identify it, question it, and replace it with a more realistic thought.

Simplify your life. Experts say that a great strategy to decrease stress is to simplify your life. I agree. Less clutter, less stress. I would add fish. More fish, less stress. I miss my pet fish.

Pushing People’s Buttons

On By Michael FlemingIn Interpersonal RelationshipsLeave a comment

Picture this true story: I’m standing in line at Tim Hortons waiting to order my morning coffee. I notice the woman in front of me has a number of buttons attached to her purse. Being the goof that I am, I start gently pressing each of the buttons on her purse. “Look, I’m pushing your buttons,” I say, hoping to get a laugh.

I do not get a laugh.

Instead, she backs away from me and says something about social phobia. I feel terrible. I had unknowingly upset her by knowingly pushing her buttons.

People like to provoke others. My daughter knows how to push my buttons. My son knows how to push my buttons. Even my dog knows how to push my buttons! I’m sure they do it on purpose. They want to get a reaction. They want to irritate me. They want to make me squirm.

And I’m sure I’ve done the same with others, but my interaction with the woman with the buttoned purse clearly highlighted a truth I had known but forgotten: Don’t push people’s buttons on purpose.

Three Lessons from a Life of Learning

On By Michael FlemingIn Learning and Growth2 Comments

At dinner the other night, my four-year-old son asked, “Dad, can I be whatever I want when I grow up?”

I said, “Yeah, pretty much.”

He got really excited. “Then I’m going to be a builder, a fixer, a machine driver, a baker, and a pirate!”

Sometimes, as adults, we lose sight of this simple innate desire: to be someone that we look up to and to do something that we look forward to.

It’s been said by people who say things that a key to happiness is the pursuit of goals. It’s my belief that there’s no better way to pursue these goals than to immerse yourself into the vat of life-long learning.

Coincidentally, I’ve been a life-long learner my entire life, and I’ve made some discoveries while swimming in the vat.

First, it’s okay to ask for help. I’ve always told students there’s no need to feel embarrassed about getting assistance. Even the best athletes in the world have coaches! Recently, I had to take my own advice. I was struggling with a graduate-level mathematics course in proofs and was reluctant to seek help. Once I asked my instructor for help, I immediately felt better, and her guidance helped me achieve success. A willingness to ask for help is a character strength, not a flaw.

Second, keep the long-term goal in mind. Sometimes when we’re overwhelmed by life’s demands or struggling to stay motivated, it’s easy to lose sight of a distant goal. Remember the ultimate reason why you’re studying to be a pirate. You want to be rich. You want to be respected. You want to fend off rodents of unusual sizes as you protect Buttercup in the Fire Swamp. Remembering the final objective helps during difficult times.

Third, embrace challenges and learn from them. Einstein said that instead of pursuing goals that are easily achieved, we need to pursue goals that are challenging and require effort. There is greater potential for learning when tasks are difficult. There is greater potential for growing when we make mistakes. Even though you may not dream of being a pirate, you have a dream residing in the core of your being to become something better than your current self. Challenge yourself. Learn from your mistakes. Become a life-long learner. Realize your dream.